The Vandals

In honor of the Vandals finally getting their legal problems straightened out, I thought I would pull out this classic. As always, Moisst asks the hard-hitting questions everyone always wanted to know. I decided to refrain from using any logos or graphics for this post. Don't want to get sued by anyone.

The Vandals

Interview by Laura Bush and Leyla Berry

Sometime around 10:00 a drunk party of three hit the NILE. I don’t think anyone was on the guest list, so we had to flounder our way through the door. The opening bands got the crowd primed for the Vandals. The Vandals went on and to tell you the truth it wasn’t one of the best shows I’ve seen in a while. Anyway, they went through thier set and afterwards they sat around trying to get some while answering a few questions in between.

MOISST: First off, who’s left in the band that was an original member?

VANDALS: Just a few, we had to kick out some other members that all had problems with thier drug habits.

MOISST: Do you have any problem using the name, or playing songs that other people wrote?

VANDALS: All of our songs are original, and no, we really don’t have a problem using the name, it’s all transitional.

MOISST: (Leyla) I want to know how long each of your dicks are?

VANDALS: Well, well, you are a horny little bitch aren’t you?

MOISST: The last time we saw you guys half your set was going off as how you’d like to fuck anything. A cheese grater or any type of nasty chick in the audience. What’s up with that?

VANDALS: Well I’m not going to say I’ve got the biggest penis in the world but I do have a bionic cock. I mean it can take a beatin. It could get smashed in the door or ran through a ringer and it would still be hard. It takes a lickin and keeps on tickin. It’s like a timex in my shorts.

MOISST: What type of gals do you go for?

VANDALS: We like all kinds of them, but yes, we prefer full figured women, yes we do.

MOISST: How long have you been in the band now (Warren)?

WARREN: I’ve been on the band since 89

MOISST: What’s the weirdest animal you’ve had your way with?

WARREN: Well I wasn’t raised on a farm like you in Arizona, but the closest thing I could say is there’s been a few girls I’ve slept with that resemble farm animals.

MOISST: How often do you guy’s masturbate?

WARREN: Eight to ten times a day. I am constantly thinking about it. I’ve got a cute tight ass and a bionic dick. What can I say?

MOISST: As far as the diarrhea song you did, What’s the problem? Do you have some serious problem with the lower intestinal tract that’s always on your minds.

VANDALS: Go say, “diarrhea” to a four year old. I’ll bet you anything they’ll always laugh. That’s a constant That’s always funny.

MOISST: Where are you guy’s going after this?

VANDALS: Were going to vomit. No, actually we just have one more show left in ventura.

MOISST: Where’s the best place to catch your shows, and where do you like playing the most?

VANDALS: Here or in L.A. we like both places.

MOISST: What tools do you like to use while masturbating?
Warren: Well I start off with several sausages, and then I move to the hard stale kip rag. I rub all this on my nut sack.

MOISST: That’s fucking beautiful! What would you say is some sort of influence for your music?

VANDALS: Happy hour, sausages and beer.

MOISST: What about girl bands? Do you get into any of them.

VANDALS: What do you mean? Listening to them or looking at them? Yeah there’s a lot of girl bands that I like to listen to and there’s a lot I like looking at.

MOISST: So, there you have it,.......THE VANDALS